bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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