I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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