she woke up with a sticky ear
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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