and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
