tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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