i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
