The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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