You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
