You can't special order awesome
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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