I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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