the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
