Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
