what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
