this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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