I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
