I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
