he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
