Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
