Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
