I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
