I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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