After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
