While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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