is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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