Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
