It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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