I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
