these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
