I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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