So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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