i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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