Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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