i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
