Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
