I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize