I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
