I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
