matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
