Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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