I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sober January is a disaster.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
