I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
