Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
