This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
