you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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