yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
