She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
