I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
