the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
