Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
