why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
