Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
