Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
