i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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