how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
