he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
