Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
