I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
