I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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