I am puke
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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