she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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