I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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