First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
