If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
