He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
