my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
