so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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