new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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