yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
