you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize