my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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