4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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