the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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