apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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