I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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