I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
