What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
