FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
