i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
