He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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