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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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