hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
