how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize