The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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