Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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