I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
