Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
