hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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