Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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