I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
