I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So squirting runs in the family.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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