i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
