Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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