Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
