So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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