physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
