hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
