THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize