Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
