remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
