I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
